Cholepan and Nina face-off again

Our Austrian friends are in the process of bonding with Cholepan. That is great news in itself. And today we received a wonderful surprise. Christine sent a few photos of Nina who is looking quite good I must say in spite of the bad haircuts and outfits.

Nina, Nurse Cholepan, Christine, and Baby Cholepan

These girls must be looking forward to going home. Along these lines, our application has been accepted by the government and the regional chairman of the courts. The chairman is expected to assign a judge to our case next week, the week of January 4-8. We should know our court and travel dates shortly thereafter. Our best guess is end January but we won't know until we get the call. We cannot wait! Cholepan, Christine, and her husband are about 1 month behind us in the process. Hopefully both babies are home by February (Nina) and March (Cholepan).

Day 18 - The Longest Day

Baby House Wall of Fame - Pictures of Adopted Children from Karakastek

At the end of an uplifting Day 17, we are dropped off at our apartment to finish packing. We kiss Nina and get out of the car. Adil will drive Nurse Cholepan and Nina and return them to the orphanage. Monte cries but is ok. Nina is returning to what she knows. She is safe and we will return for her as soon as the system allows.

Earlier in the day, Monte donated 13 baby outfits and 3 packages of diapers to the baby house. The nurses really appreciate our donation. We also brought chocolates and cookies as a gift and to honor their tradition as they prepare for a holiday celebration the next day. Since everything at the baby house is shared, the outfits and diapers will be used on all the kids. They will be a well-dressed group I think. We end on a high note with the nurses and hope some of this goodwill carries over and Nina gets a little extra care while we are away.

We also had a chance to see Nina's room. 9 babies. Nina occupies crib #4; Baby Cholepan crib #9. Here is a brief video of where these little ones live.

Back in the apartment, Monte and I pack up and get ready to head out. The country manager Marina stops in to say goodbye. She and Monte are like best friends. Then our interpreter Anna comes by with her son to finalize our application letter. This is Anna and her son Gleb.

We were not able to secure a great itinerary on Thanksgiving weekend. But it is time to go and time to suck it up. The trip home starts at 1:00 a.m. on Day 18. Adil picks us up and takes us to the airport. There is no English anywhere, but we figure it out. After 3 security checks, we have our bags checked and are ready to board. At 4:00 a.m., the flight departs on schedule. We are relieved to be through customs and on our way to Frankfurt. So far, so good. But we have 7 hours (!!!) to kill in the Frankfurt airport. We have not slept for so long and only dosed on the plane - we need a new travel agent.

We survive Frankfurt and are on our way again. Our connecting flight is not through some northeastern city. We have to go through Houston, 10 hours from Frankfurt. 8 hours into the flight I see the flight map as we fly directly over St. Louis.

On to Houston, we have 45 minutes to get through customs, re-check our bags, get from the international to the domestic terminal. and go through security. If we miss the flight, there are no more flights to STL until the morning. We make it with time to spare.

Jomama and Darwin meet us outside of security in STL. We are so happy to be home and get a big hug from Jomama. We arrive home at 10:30 p.m., 33 1/2 hours after we left our apartment in Almaty. We hadn't seen a bed in 50 hours.

Nick and Natalie have a welcome home sign for us but are in Nashville with Monte's parents until tomorrow. We cannot wait to see them. Until then, we will unwind and rest. Happy to be home.

Our timetable going forward is as follows:

- Bonding period ends - November 26

- Paperwork goes to government agencies - week of November 30

- Paperwork goes to regional courts - week of December 7

- Judge gets assigned and sets a court date

- 2nd trip best guess - week of December 28 or January 11

- 3rd trip to bring her home - 3-4 weeks after second trip

The court is by no means a formality. There is some risk the judge may reject our application to adopt Nina. The process is political and exporting babies, especially Kazakh babies, can be a sensitive issue. It works to our advantage that Nina is a minority Kurd. We will go a few days in advance to prepare for court and trust that God keeps His hand on the process.

In the meantime, we will enjoy Nick and Natalie and dream about bringing Nina home early next year.

Day 17 - Nina's Big Adventure

Monte and I are heading to the airport in a few hours. We will follow with a more complete post, but here are the highlights from our last day in Kazakhstan.

1. We finally learn Nurse Goldtooth's real name. It is Gulzira. We settle on the name GT for future reference.

2. We learn that bride kidnapping is real in Kazakhstan. We had heard rumor of this but didn't really believe it. However, Nurse Cholepan revealed to us that she was kidnapped 21 years ago by a man she had only met once. That man is still her husband after over 20 years and they have 3 children. Her situation was non-consensual but it is accepted in the culture. Our driver Adil also kidnapped his wife, but his was consensual as they had been dating for 6 months. She would have preferred that he simply ask her, but he took this approach to assert his manhood and make his claim. So keep in mind that some things that are felonies in the US are accepted tradition in Kazakhstan.

3. Nina prepares for the big trip to the doctor's office with a full winter suit on a 40 degree day. This may be overkill, but the nurses insist that babies must be kept (really) warm. This outfit reminds us of someone but we can't quite put our finger on it.

4. On the way to the doctor's office, we learn that Kazakh car seats appear very much like a parent holding a child.

Monte, Rich, Nina, and Nurse Cholepan who is now our favorite traveling companion. Everyone is allowed to rest their eyes except Mr. Carseat who must remain alert at all times.

5. And the great news of today... Nina receives a great report from the Almaty International SOS clinic. The doctor, a kind man from South Africa, sees many adoptive children at his clinic. After spending 45 mintues with Nina, checking her eyes, ears, reactions, sounds, and everything else, he says her delay is from lack of food and stimulation and nothing more. There is no sign of any mental or any other problem, and he sees her as being very alert and responsive. He believes she is completely normal and that she will thrive when she gets home.

This is the news we were hoping and praying for. We are so thankful for this positive report. We end this first trip in high spirits and with great joy. We will miss our new daughter but look forward to seeing Nick and Natalie and preparing our home for Nina.

6. We head to the airport at 1:00 a.m. Friday morning, and arrive in STL at 9:30 p.m. JM and Darwin are picking us up. We cannot wait to see Nick and Natalie.

We thank God and thank you all for your encouragement and prayers through this process. We have appreciated and needed it very much, and will follow with a more complete entry once we get home. God bless you and your families this Thanksgiving. Here's my favorite picture from today - the match made in heaven.

Night 15 and Day 16 - Wimps and Wolves

"Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is." German proverb.

Night 15 - Wimps Need Not Apply (We’re Wimpy)

Adoption is not for wimps, and tonight, we are feeling pretty wimpy. Honestly, it is a very tough and emotional night for us. Although she is making great progress, we realize that Nina is behind in all areas of her development and especially her language and social skills.

It is one thing when you hear about these delays in an adoption training course and think you are prepared for it. It is quite another when you have a call with your doctor and it is confirmed that your baby is developmentally delayed. That is where we are tonight.

Our immediate questions are:

1. Can this be fixed once we get her home? Can a loving, stimulating environment with high energy kids and tired yet committed parents pull her out of this?

2. Or is this some long-term problem where she will always be delayed? Is there something fundamentally wrong?

The problem is that at this stage and without any family history, it is impossible to determine the answer. Since doctors don’t need to prepare us for the former and nicer scenario, the discussions with doctors (and our minds) drift to the latter and more troubling scenario.

As our minds dwell there tonight, our hope turns to fear and fear makes the wolf bigger than he is. And on this night, the wolf is looking really big to us.

It is gut-check time as questions race through our minds. Are we doing the right thing? What will her life be like? How will this affect Nick and Natalie? Do we want to move forward given these risks? Our minds are racing. Fed by this anxiety, we find ourselves re-examining why we are adopting in the first place. Why are we doing this?

We reflect on the reasons: to honor God by taking care of those who cannot take care of themselves, and to give this precious little girl a chance in life and a family who loves her.

So do these risks affect our decision? Are we going to love this girl any less? Regardless of her development, is her life going to be better with or without our family?

After looking at it this way, the answer once again becomes clear. This little girl is already our daughter in our hearts. God has put her in our lives and we already love her. We will give her every chance to grow and love and reach her potential, whatever level that may be. Her life will be 1000 times better being part of a loving family compared to staying where she is. In spite of our concerns, nothing has really changed. Nina is still our daughter. We will deal with whatever happens as a family.

It seems God has stepped forward to carry our burden tonight. Next to Him, the wolf isn’t looking so big. At 2:00 a.m., we are completely drained and we crash.

Day 16 – A New Day

Things look different today and we go on the offensive. Anna joins us and we come up with a plan.

Today we are going to learn more about where Nina stands. We ask the nurses to bring in another baby to see how Nina reacts. We ask all the nurses on duty about their opinion of Nina and how they view her development. We research and find, with the help of our Austrian friends who are still in Austria, an independent doctor in Almaty who provides pre-adoption consultations. We secure a commitment from the orphanage director to release Nina to us so we can take her to the consultation which gets set for the following day.

All of this is happening in parallel as we begin our visit with Nina. She comes in and shows no reaction to us as usual. She is so sweet though and looks us right in the eyes.

In the meantime, we have given Anna the task list and she is chasing down every nurse on duty to learn more about Nina. And what we learn is both sad and enlightening. Nurse Cholepan tells Anna that Deanna (Nina) is indeed developmentally delayed, but that all of the children there are developmentally delayed. The reason is that the baby/nurse ratio is 10:1 up to 20:1. There is no play time and no interaction except for feedings (babies are not held) and diaper changes. That is it. The only social interactions are these brief encounters with the nurses, and what the babies can see and hear through the slats in their cribs.

Now think about this for a minute because it takes a while to sink in. What if your whole life was spent on your back in a crib with only a bottle stuck in your mouth three times a day and your diaper changed periodically? That’s it. No toys, no books, no music, no holding, no talking, no love. It is just you and your bed. Our doctor commented that Nina’s behavior is consistent with a significantly deprived environment, and this baby house certainly qualifies.

Nurse Cholepan said there is just no time for the staff to do more, and that the babies “must develop themselves.” Nina and the rest of these babies have been “developing themselves” for 7 months now. This is all they know.

It is hard to believe even though we are seeing it with our own eyes. How can a child survive these conditions and deprivation? This is so unimaginable that it takes a while to sink in, if it can ever completely sink in.

Another sad tidbit comes from Anna as she observes the nurses’ reactions to her questions about Nina. When Anna asks about the other babies in the baby house, the nurses tends to light up and say something sweet about them. However, when Anna asks about Nina, the nurses act like they don’t really know much about her. The vibe Anna gets, and this is reinforced by little comments the nurses have made, is that the nurses (all Kazakh) take special interest in the Kazakh babies. Nina, however, is Kurdish. She is an outsider, a minority, and the Kazakhs and Kurds (and Russians) in Kazakhstan don’t always get along. Unfortunately, the cultural and ethnic biases naturally carry over to the babies.

As we ponder these things, we gain a new perspective on Nina and how alone she is. We must be a complete shock to her. What are all of these toys and books and smiles? What is all the talking about? And holding? Am I supposed to smile when they smile at me? I think I like it but what is going on? It seems Nina has good reason to be delayed in her social and language skills, and in everything else. We have to get her home.

But today is not about sadness. Something magical happens in the room today - something magical that Mom and Dad really need after last night.

First, the baby they bring in to visit with Nina is our old friend Baby Cholepan. We are so happy to see her again. We just learned that the Austrian couple will return December 15 to see Cholepan. That is such great news to us. Fortunately, Cholepan doesn’t freak out when she sees Monte this time. Monte plays with Cholepan while I play with Nina. Group photo.

Note to nurses: button the shirt under the pants, not over them!

Nina warms up quickly today. And the baby that has such a hard time laughing and smiling changes into one who cracks up all day long. Her laugh changes from a smile and a giggle to a laugh that is full of life. She looks in our eyes and smiles at us.

Nina takes time to wrestle with Cholepan. Action sequence: kick to the side.

Roll over; elbow to the face.

Cholepan counters with the tongue.

Nina even passes one of our doctor’s tests by sitting up with the support of only her hands on the ground. Not bad for only two weeks of training!

And then we hear, for the first time, beautiful coos as she is lying on her back. She likes Mommy's cold rub-down.

It is as if Nina had been listening to the discussion we had with our doctor last night. She shows huge progress today in both the language and social areas. She seems completely normal in the way she looks and acts. We learn that her little spirit is way more powerful than her 7-months of isolation. Anna cannot believe the difference in Nina over the past 2 weeks, and Monte and I cannot believe the difference in just one day. Here is some full-of-life laughter.

We are so encouraged and really needed it. Our love and understanding has deepened so much for this little girl. She has many more surprises in store for us. God has turned last night’s anxiety to joy with this special day. He has come along side us, and the wolf doesn’t seem nearly as scary.

Tomorrow is our last day with Deanna before heading home on Friday. We look forward to her first outing from the baby house as we visit the medical clinic in the city.

Day 15 - The Book and the Mirror

Today is a great day. The sun is shining. We are able to head out to the great little Chinese restaurant and forget about yesterday's day off from eating. And Nina hits several milestones. These are little steps and perhaps boring for most but a big deal for doting parents. Aren't you glad you don't have to sit through a slideshow when we get back? Here are today's accomplishments.

1. Nina stays awake for our entire 2 hour visit. She usually lasts about 1 hour and tires out. Today she remains alert for the entire time.

2. Nina sits with a steady head for the first 45 minutes. We support her back since she has never sat before and her mid-section is too weak. However, she doesn't fight it and keeps good control of the noggin.

3. Nina studies the animal pictures and mirrored pages on books for 20-30 minutes. She probably hasn't seen a book before and she has ignored what we have had to offer so far. But today, she shows great interest, especially in herself!

I am a mouse with overalls and a ribbon on my tail.

4. While on her tummy, Nina pushes up with her arms to get a better look at herself. This is the first time she has used her arms to push up. A week ago she would just lay there with her arms and legs out in skydiver position.

But the highlight is still her attentiveness to the books.

Nina doesn't sleep today but there is always a little time for bonding with Mommy. We hope tomorrow is another great day.

Day 13 and 14

Day 13 - Sunday

Monte is watching birds fight on the National Geographic channel. I am watching some old TV episodes on Hulu. Monte asks me, “What are you doing?” about every 45 minutes. It is a slow day in Almaty but I think we need this day to reflect and rest after 2 weeks of continuous activity and high emotions.

We think about Nina Deanna and what things will be like when we get her home. We’re not experts in child development but it seems her development is more like a 4 month old. We knew from our training that children develop at a slower rate when institutionalized. The rule of thumb is that the children are 1 month behind for every 3 months in the institution. Nina seems right on target with this estimate.

She has been in a 7-month slumber and we signs of her awakening each day. More smiles, more activity. We look forward to more progress this week. My belief and prayer is that she advances quickly once she gets home with us.

Day 14 - Monday

Now it is Monday and we start the last week of our first trip. Four more days of bonding with Nina before heading home to await our court date. Elmo makes his triumphant return to the baby house today. The temporary ban has been lifted and he behaves himself.

There is not a lot of excitement but Nina is in a pretty good mood today. This is the first time she has picked something up on her own and made use of it. It is the teething ring which is coming in handy at this stage.

I caught some of this on video. When she is tearing through the house with Nick and Natalie, we will think back to these simpler times.





As usual, Nina tolerates her exercise and our silly talk for about an hour before she is ready to rest again. Mommy feels really nice. Daddy needs to give the camera a break.



That's better.



After her nap and a bottle, we head back to the apartment for the day. It is cold and rainy. It looks like our routine of heading out for our daily meal is in jeopardy. I have crackers and ramen noodles. Monte has tea and peanut butter bread. It is feeling like the first few days all over again. We will try to head out a little later. In the meantime, we will sit here and ponder the significance of our paper towels that have flowers and weightlifters on them.

His and hers? Fresh and strong? Hmmm.

A few pics from our stroll

Old-school scaffolding.


Jennifer Lopez knows no borders.