Cooling our jets

We have been so looking forward to this day of our court appearance when Nina Deanna would be officially ours (pending a waiting period of course, but this is the last major hurdle). We wake around 4 a.m. to rehearse our speech and organize our paperwork in case anything is called into question.

I wear a jacket and tie, and Monte wears this classy outfit that looks great on her. We are all set. Oxana and Natalia pick us up at 8 a.m. for our 10 a.m. appointment. The snow that melted yesterday has frozen into a layer of ice, and new snow is falling lightly. Our dress shoes are the worst possible things to be wearing but we slip and slide to the car without incident. Monte remains on her feet – no snow angels this trip, at least so far.

We arrive at the courthouse with 45 minutes to spare. Natalia checks to see if the judge is in, but no one is around except the receptionist. She does however confirm that the Austrian couple adopting Cholepan will have the same judge that we have. Their court date should be in a few weeks after the judge ensures the paperwork is in order.

At 10 a.m., we enter the courthouse and wait in the lobby. We give the locals something to look at. We get all sorts of odd looks and long stares. They are wondering why these white folks are here and what we must have done wrong. We are wondering the same about them.

In Kazakh fashion, our session starts 1 hour late at 11 a.m. The female judge enters, and she is joined by two other ladies who sit to our left. We learn that one is the court reporter who takes the minutes on a notepad – old school. We’re not sure who the other lady is, but it seems she is an attorney of sorts representing the state. We are soon to learn that she is our problem. Devil’s advocate or assistant are the nicest terms we can think of so let’s go with DA.

The judge seems very nice and walks us through our rights – that we have the right to ask questions, the right read the minutes, the right to complain – stuff like that.

Then she looks at us and indicates that we need to get started. We assume this means we make our pitch so I head to the podium with my stack of paperwork and pictures in hand.

I thank her for the opportunity, introduce ourselves, and indicate that we are seeking her approval to adopt. I give her our life story in about 30 minutes and cover the following ground (hints provided for future adoptive parents):

- Our first trip meeting/bonding with Nina Deanna

- How great she is and her medical diagnosis (hint: talk about how awful her condition is and your plan for getting her the best medical care)

- How well she responded to us and how much we love her

- Our family history (marriage, Nick, Clint, and Nat)

- Why we cannot have more biological children (hint: the key here was to stress that the mother is older than 35 which is apparently the hard cut-off for having babies in Kazakhstan).

- The long painful adoption application process

- Why Kazakhstan is the best place in the world to adopt a child (hint: talk about how wonderful the bonding process is, the cleanliness and high quality of care given at the baby houses)

- Our plan for providing for all of her needs

o Our house, how we have a room for her

o Our income and how we can afford her

o Our great schools including special needs programs if needed

o Our wonderful parks surrounding our house

o The great doctors standing by in St. Louis ready to care for her

o Our plan and funding for her to attend college

o Our life insurance plan and how we have people lined up to take over if something were to happen to us

- Finally, the plan to maintain her Kazakh heritage

o The journal we’re keeping with pictures of every day in Kazakhstan

o The Kazakh gifts we plan to give her each year until she is 18

o Our networking with other families adopting from Kazakhstan, and special events like Kazapalooza where US families get together annually to celebrate

o Our plan for her to visit Kazakhstan when she is old enough (hint: this of course assumes that bride kidnapping goes out of vogue by then; otherwise, she’s staying in the US)

Believe it or not, the judge doesn’t even fall asleep and seems genuinely interested. The judge then asks Monte to say a few words. She has to be thinking: my husband just rambled on for 30 minutes about everything we could possibly think of – what more can I say? So she plays the crying mother and talks about how sweet and wonderful the little baby is, and how she is already our daughter in our hearts (all honest and true by the way, including the tears).

The judge seems very satisfied and even smiles. We feel very happy about how it all went and are ready to celebrate our new daughter.

But the judge asks DA if she has any questions, and here we go.

She asks if we can afford to raise this baby on my meager salary. I show her my employment letter again with my salary and say, “Yes, I think we can get by.”

She asks if Nicholas and Natalie will be mean to the baby because she is adopted. I say, “No, they are really excited to have a new sister.”

She asks if Nicholas and Natalie will be jealous of her because she is getting attention. I say, “No, they will be too busy being mean to her.” Not really, I say, “No, we don’t see that being an issue at all. They are very excited and secure.”

She frowns at every response. Just when I think she is out of dumb questions, she looks at a picture of Nicholas and Natalie and asks where the picture with the swimming pool was taken.

I say, “On vacation?” and prepare myself for her asking where we bought the lamp in the next picture.

The line of questioning is odd but we’re thinking it is all harmless enough. The judge tells us to sit and we continue feeling confident about things.

The orphanage director is up next, and they have a long discussion in Russian which we could not follow. But we notice DA is quite active in the discussion.

That’s when we get slammed. It turns out that the orphanage director could not get Nina’s mother to come to court to refuse Nina before the judge. However, the director had documentation from Nina’s mother rejecting her at birth, and once again for this court proceeding. Most judges accept this level of documentation, but DA keeps pushing the issue and insists that Nina’s mother appear. We learn that DA said, “What if we give parental rights to these Americans today, and the birth mother comes in crying tomorrow ‘why did you give my baby to the Americans’.”

The judge buys DA’s argument. Court is adjourned with no decision. The orphanage director is given until 6:30 p.m. to produce the mother, and nothing is happening until she shows up. It is time to scramble. The orphanage director suggests waiting until 6 p.m. when the birth mother gets off work to try again. The previous meetings between the orphanage director and the birth mother’s family had turned nasty. The family is ashamed of this entire situation, and just want it to go away. Our coordinator Natalia thinks there is no way the mother will come, and pushes for a more aggressive approach. Specifically, Natalia decides to pay a policeman to go with the orphanage director, along with an official letter from court, to convince her that she needs to show up right away.

Natalia feels that making the request to court more official (or intimidating) is the only way to move forward. We’re not sure what is going to happen. There is nothing more we can do, so we leave the courthouse and go visit Deanna who is wonderful for us again.

Then we get the call that Natalie’s scheme worked. The birth mother and grandmother arrive at court and refuse Nina once again before the judge. We leave Nina and the baby house to head to court, feeling very drained but fortunate that things worked out. When we arrive, we see Nina’s birth mother and grandmother leaving. Our hearts go out to them. This must have been a very difficult day and we see the hurt on the mother’s face.

At the same time, we are hopeful that the judge will rule in our favor now that all requirements have been met. Unfortunately, we learn it is not so. The judge says that she is too busy with her caseload, and tells us to return on Tuesday at 4 pm for the verdict. We are stunned and numb.

We had high hopes for today, but it wasn’t to be. We will pray, make the most of our time with Nina (we get 2 hours each day, Saturday, Monday, Tuesday), and return to court on Tuesday, trusting that God makes it a great day.